You are Reading my Blog. Welcome!
Well, welcome to my blog. I really don't have much else to say. I just do this because sometimes I have WAY too much time on my hands. Well, you can read the Random Story or go to my friend's blogs here: Mythical World, I M Eve, Life of a Bookworm, Fiery Pigs DO fly, Maxellion's Blog. And here are my brothers': The Vortex, Typer's Twilight. And here is my sister's: Free Writer. And here is the link to my other blog: The force of chao. Well, that's about it here. I really don't see why your reading about my life but hey, it's your time.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
New Profile
Okay, as I'm getting famous soon, (See last post) I decided it would be a bad idea for poeple to know that full name. So, I am now DJ of Awesomeness. You first followers will we the only ones, and you will be able to gloat about it ^_^!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Ahhhhh!!!!
I'm watching my little sister Hannah, (You now, the demon?) And her friend Maggie is over, and guess what I've been listening to for the past half hour?
"Hey, is my Mom okay?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! "Hey, is my face okay" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! "Hey, is my dog okay?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! "Hey, it THIS okay?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!
Well, I'm considering the options right now:
"Hey, is my Mom okay?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! "Hey, is my face okay" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! "Hey, is my dog okay?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! "Hey, it THIS okay?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!
Well, I'm considering the options right now:
- Going to go crawl into a hole and die
- Walk in there, punch her, than leave.
- Walk in there, strangle her, and THEN leave.
- Get a gun, blast then both, then laugh.
-Me, soon to be famous
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My Posts
So, the other day I was looking at HyperBoleandaHalf, and Ashi/Ivvu/Girlygirl's blogs, and I realize, "Holy crap, my post are TINY!" And so, here one is, a NOT TINY post.
First, I've gotten into this thing with Bill Cosby. He's a funny guy. One of those comedians. "Am I right, am I right? So, how about that airline food, eh? Eh? Eh?" Yep, ya gotta love 'em.
So, I'm gonna do different types of notebooks.
Dear Diary,
Today was so great! The cute boy Jesse LOOKED at me! At was so happy, I almost cried! He is so CUTE! He is so cute I want to scream and kick and love him and kiss his face all over! Also, I was hanging out with mah girly friends, and we went to the movies and saw the Pretty Pretty Unicorn Movie! My fave character was Sugar, 'cause she was the cutest Sugar to ever walk on the Sugary world of Gumdrops! Yeah, she was the CUTEST THING! And Susie Girlylots called me yesterday, and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! And it was great! Kisses,
First, I've gotten into this thing with Bill Cosby. He's a funny guy. One of those comedians. "Am I right, am I right? So, how about that airline food, eh? Eh? Eh?" Yep, ya gotta love 'em.
So, I'm gonna do different types of notebooks.
Dear Diary,
Today was so great! The cute boy Jesse LOOKED at me! At was so happy, I almost cried! He is so CUTE! He is so cute I want to scream and kick and love him and kiss his face all over! Also, I was hanging out with mah girly friends, and we went to the movies and saw the Pretty Pretty Unicorn Movie! My fave character was Sugar, 'cause she was the cutest Sugar to ever walk on the Sugary world of Gumdrops! Yeah, she was the CUTEST THING! And Susie Girlylots called me yesterday, and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! and I was like, no way! and then she was like, yes way! And it was great! Kisses,
Girly GirlyGirl

Wasn't that great? Now, the math Notebook:
And now, mine:
Yep, good stuff. Well, is that post long enough for ya? No? Okay then.
Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blahCOOKIES! Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blahWOMBATS!Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah!

And now, mine:Yep, good stuff. Well, is that post long enough for ya? No? Okay then.
Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blahCOOKIES! Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blahWOMBATS!Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah!

Saturday, December 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Ben's Blog: If I was an evil Overlord...
...here are 100 things that I would do.
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell in my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragon of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought, I'll shoot him and then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled, "Danger: Don Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will clearly not be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum - a small hotel room well outside my border will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least several round of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital count-down. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable. I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would prove a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strength and weaknesses. Even though this takes some fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive which is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcements and/or romantic sub-plot for the hero or his side-kick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tell me my Legion of Terror is losing a battle, I will believe him.. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all of those pesky time travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys that happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him and say "And here is the price for failure." then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all of my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions of the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legion of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legion of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owners manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: This also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of this nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a compentant psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be disadvantageous.
If I must have a computer system with publicly available terminals, the maps they display will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints and then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon, instead of using my unstoppable super weapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legion of Terror to attack the heroes en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legion of Terror "And he must be taken alive-" the command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonable practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerously unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason,
I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 stones of power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more alone the lines of "Push the button/"
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to do the task again.
After I capture the hero's super weapon, I will not disband legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my main control room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead, I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and the underling who failed or betrayed me, I will die first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cell mate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However, if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each other' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data files of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free, unlimited internet access.
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell in my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragon of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought, I'll shoot him and then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled, "Danger: Don Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will clearly not be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum - a small hotel room well outside my border will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least several round of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital count-down. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable. I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would prove a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strength and weaknesses. Even though this takes some fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive which is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcements and/or romantic sub-plot for the hero or his side-kick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tell me my Legion of Terror is losing a battle, I will believe him.. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all of those pesky time travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys that happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him and say "And here is the price for failure." then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all of my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions of the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legion of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legion of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owners manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: This also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of this nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a compentant psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be disadvantageous.
If I must have a computer system with publicly available terminals, the maps they display will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints and then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon, instead of using my unstoppable super weapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legion of Terror to attack the heroes en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legion of Terror "And he must be taken alive-" the command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonable practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerously unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason,
I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 stones of power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more alone the lines of "Push the button/"
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to do the task again.
After I capture the hero's super weapon, I will not disband legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my main control room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead, I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and the underling who failed or betrayed me, I will die first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cell mate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However, if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each other' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data files of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free, unlimited internet access.
(By the way, I didn't write this; I just came across it, and thought it was funny enough to share with all you.)
Heil Hafen!
Heil Hafen!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Hee hee hee
So, I haven't posted for the last week or so because I have been in California, land of the great sandy beaches and DisneyLand. So, anyway, I was at mah friends blog, Life of a BookWorm, and I was posting a comment, when I saw the letter Verification:
Heeh hee hee, funny! for the slow: Gut Spill.

Heeh hee hee, funny! for the slow: Gut Spill.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
*Spoiler Alert*Harry Potter Seven Part 1: Review *Spoiler Alert*
Okay, this blog is about Harry Potter 7 part 1. Now, let's go.
The movie starts with Hermione removing her parent's memory. I think this part was well done. She is a pretty good actor. She walks out and the scene switches to Harry watching the Dursley's leave. The scene switches to What Voldemort is doing. Then the scene switches back to Harry. There is a knock on the door, and the people come in. They take the PolyJuice potion, and the Seven Potters start changing into there robes. (The Harry who is Fleur is wearing a frilly bra.) They go into the sky and Harry is with Hagrid. Now, they go into the road and a tunnel during that part. What the HECK where they thinking?? That is NOT in the book. Now, want me to take a brake from my Raving? I'll edit this post and add more every once in a while, and tell you when it is done.
The movie starts with Hermione removing her parent's memory. I think this part was well done. She is a pretty good actor. She walks out and the scene switches to Harry watching the Dursley's leave. The scene switches to What Voldemort is doing. Then the scene switches back to Harry. There is a knock on the door, and the people come in. They take the PolyJuice potion, and the Seven Potters start changing into there robes. (The Harry who is Fleur is wearing a frilly bra.) They go into the sky and Harry is with Hagrid. Now, they go into the road and a tunnel during that part. What the HECK where they thinking?? That is NOT in the book. Now, want me to take a brake from my Raving? I'll edit this post and add more every once in a while, and tell you when it is done.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
New Template
So, Maxxellion did this template for me! Take a look around! Pretty cool, eh? Well, now my text will look like handwriting, there are lines, yada yada yada. But, I like it. How 'bout you?
Monday, November 22, 2010
Randomness!
So, mah friends say I need to post more story, but for today I want to get out an inner itching of RANDOMNESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
I mad it myself! I call it: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH! Doncha LOVE IT! Anyways, I gotsa new random question for yall.
If...... The awesome smiley came and ate you and inside him there was a party except everyone in the party was zombies and Obama came with a bag of dorritos and danced the tango with you and the zombies wanted to eat both of you and, YOU HAD A BLUEBERRY PIE AND A FORK, what would YOU DO????

I mad it myself! I call it: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH! Doncha LOVE IT! Anyways, I gotsa new random question for yall.
If...... The awesome smiley came and ate you and inside him there was a party except everyone in the party was zombies and Obama came with a bag of dorritos and danced the tango with you and the zombies wanted to eat both of you and, YOU HAD A BLUEBERRY PIE AND A FORK, what would YOU DO????
Friday, November 19, 2010
Harry Potter! Yea!
AWYEAH! Harry potter SEVEN COMES OUT TODAY!!!!! WHOOHOO!! *Throws major party with confetti, which is a really weird word* I'ma Gonna LOVE it!

Monday, November 15, 2010
Yay!!!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
'Sup?
Well, 'Sup. Like the new template? It would be even cooler if I could remove the text background and it looked like it was written on the paper. K bye!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
And Now.. Rndmstory.
Part Two
The 1st in command ran into the room, footsteps echoing in the darkness.
"My lord," He panted.
"You dare come into this room uninvited?" A quiet voice addressed him. "You know you need an appointment."
He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. Bringing bad news never led to a promotion. "My lord, it's urgent."
"Urgent is it?" He hesitated. "Um, the boy..."
"Sora? Yes, he's dead."
"Um, yes, about that,"
"Yes?" The voice was not as quiet now.
"Well, he's alive. He survived and saved the girl."
"What?!"The scream of fury reverberated around the room. There was a flash of fire, and the 1st in command fell to the floor. Of course, the only person to blame was himself. He had trained the 1st in command, and he taught the 2nd in command, and he had trained the army.
But, the time was coming. Soon....
Puddle flipped the coin again.
"Heads!" yelled Fang, slapping Puddle's outstretched hand.
Anime rolled her eyes. "Boys," she muttered under her breath. "Completely insane."
"Hey!" Protested Sora in the corner.
The door of HQ opened, and Creeper, Crackers, and Puddles walked in.
"Any luck?" asked Puddle, sitting up.
Puddles shook her head. "It doesn't make sense. We've Googled, we've looked everywhere but he just.... disappeared."
He sighed. Ever since Cornface left the school, it was obvious he was up to no good. But who leaves town without driving or taking a train, bus or plane? After searching the transportation records at City Hall, they had to conclude that he just, well, vanished.
Fang stood up, and walked out the door.
"Where are you going?" Puddle yelled out.
"Hunting." he said shortly.
"M'kay. Just try to get some hippies or something, not anyone we know."
Fang snorted.
"Hippies. Yeah, right."
He shut the door behind him.
M'kay, short post, but I'm short on time. I'll post tomorrow.
"My lord," He panted.
"You dare come into this room uninvited?" A quiet voice addressed him. "You know you need an appointment."
He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. Bringing bad news never led to a promotion. "My lord, it's urgent."
"Urgent is it?" He hesitated. "Um, the boy..."
"Sora? Yes, he's dead."
"Um, yes, about that,"
"Yes?" The voice was not as quiet now.
"Well, he's alive. He survived and saved the girl."
"What?!"The scream of fury reverberated around the room. There was a flash of fire, and the 1st in command fell to the floor. Of course, the only person to blame was himself. He had trained the 1st in command, and he taught the 2nd in command, and he had trained the army.
But, the time was coming. Soon....
Puddle flipped the coin again.
"Heads!" yelled Fang, slapping Puddle's outstretched hand.
Anime rolled her eyes. "Boys," she muttered under her breath. "Completely insane."
"Hey!" Protested Sora in the corner.
The door of HQ opened, and Creeper, Crackers, and Puddles walked in.
"Any luck?" asked Puddle, sitting up.
Puddles shook her head. "It doesn't make sense. We've Googled, we've looked everywhere but he just.... disappeared."
He sighed. Ever since Cornface left the school, it was obvious he was up to no good. But who leaves town without driving or taking a train, bus or plane? After searching the transportation records at City Hall, they had to conclude that he just, well, vanished.
Fang stood up, and walked out the door.
"Where are you going?" Puddle yelled out.
"Hunting." he said shortly.
"M'kay. Just try to get some hippies or something, not anyone we know."
Fang snorted.
"Hippies. Yeah, right."
He shut the door behind him.
M'kay, short post, but I'm short on time. I'll post tomorrow.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Peanut
So, ya know mah hamster Peanut? Well, I accidentally left the back of his cage open, (Whoops!) and so when I got home, he was gone. We looked everywhere and found a hold in mah brother's airvent. So, today, we found him *drum role* in a wall. So now there are like 3 holes in the wall! (applause) So, we are going to cover it will old drawings and paintings. 'Cause we're just funny that way.
Monday, October 4, 2010
School Conversation
"And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way! And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! 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And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!And then she was like, no way! And then I was, like, yes way!"
Friday, October 1, 2010
OHMIGOOOOOOTH!
I haven't posted in a million billion years! Anyway, I want you to go to Future Imperfect on new epoch, cause IT'S UP AND GOOD! I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
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